Things I've learned while lifeguarding at Dimple Dell:

    

I thought the Front Desk was always the best place to "people watch"... but I have recently realized that the pool is also an excellent source for these gems!! Ha! So here is a list of things that I've learned since becoming a guard-

1- The couples that fake bake together, stay together.

2- It is totally acceptable to let your three year old roam and wander to the deeper end if you're standing in the shallow end with your capris rolled up and the sleeves of your hoodie pushed up..

3- Lifeguards are just glorified and over-paid babysitters.

4- Twelve and thirteen year old girls now-a-days are wearing the skimpiest bikinis... seriously, moms? Yeah... that's definitely the message you want your little girls to be putting out there. Congratulations on the Best Mom of the Year Award. NOT.

5- It is also totally acceptable for really heavy women to be wearing these same bikinis and let everything just hang out... Are these moms sharing swimsuits with their daughters now?

6- No matter what age you are... moobs are NOT attractive! --unless, of course, you've got a mullet to go with those moobs... then it's just straight up classy!!

7- More PDA is shown at a pool than in High School hallways... and by adults in their late 20s - early 30s. You freaks are known to all of the guards as "the gross couple over there".

8- Everything gets blamed on the Head Guard. (-or the front desk.)

9- In a matter of a millisecond a kid will forget you just whistled at them and told them to stop running.

10- Being cooped up in the guardroom with someone you don't like makes it the longest 15 minute break... EVER!

11- Being on 15 minute rotations makes you live your life in 15 minute increments.

12- If a child can't tell you their name... they are not old enough to be in the pool by themselves.

13- If it's not a scandalous bikini... then basketball shorts and a T-shirt are the new swimsuit for girls....

14- If you don't run to the slide it might disappear in the five extra seconds it would take you to get there... yup.. us lifeguards like to do magic tricks like that.. watch out! ;)

15- A wet white T-shirt over a bikini doesn't hide a thing...

16- Yellow T-shirts are also see-through...

17- The people you can't stand visit the pool more often then anyone else.

18- Lap swimmers get really mad when they have to share a lane. -they also get mad when they are asked to move for a swim lesson.

19- When the pool is dead the guards play "I spy" with each other to keep them awake.

20- Lifeguards are definitely a different breed of humans....

This is sometimes what i feel
like I'm working with...